Where has the time gone??

I haven’t written anything in 4 months, and I’m not at all sure why.  Everyday, I tell myself “you should write something today”, but I always end up getting distracted by something else.  My attention span hasn’t been the best lately, I’ve had trouble staying focused on tasks that I have.  I have to find a way out of this rut that I’m in.  At least I wrote something today.

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Back again.

I haven’t written in few days, as I’ve been kind of busy.  Unfortunately, due to the weather, work, and my knees, I haven’t been able to attend BJJ in the past week.  I’ve had issues with my knees for the past few years, the pain comes and goes.  Once they start feeling better, and I can move a little better, I’ll be back at it.

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Missed a few days.

I had planned on posting after my BJJ class on Thursday, but I was rather tired so I went to bed not long after I got home.  Class went well, though I was paired with a brown belt.  It wasn’t really fair, but life is like that most of the time.  He helped me with my takedowns, then I was paired with a blue belt.  This person was very helpful.  He helped me with some new techniques that we were taught, I felt like I was getting the hang of them.  We rolled for a bit, where he helped me with re-establishing guard.  Overall, it was a good class, I’m looking forward to next week.

On Friday, I took the day off of work, as I had a Dr. appt. scheduled.  I’ve been having some discomfort in my chest, so my Dr. scheduled me for a mammogram.  I’m a worrier by nature, and I suffer from hypochondria, so I thought the worst.  Thankfully, my mammogram was clear.  The Dr. said everything looked fine, no signs of cancer or anything else.  I, of course, had thought that I had cancer, though everything said otherwise.  I had some bloodwork done, also, as the pain can also be caused by low testosterone.  My bloodwork will finished next week, and I’ll meet with my Dr. again on Thursday, to discuss the results.  I don’t think I have anything to be concerned about, but I can’t stop the worrying.  I’ve decided to see a therapist again, with the hopes that he’ll be able to help me with these issues.

I’m off for now, I’m going to be heading out soon.  Thanks for the support, folks.

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Mental Health Bloggers Widen Their Support Systems on WordPress.com

I’m glad that this is getting some attention.

WordPress.com News

When we start a blog instead of simply keeping a private diary, it’s because we want to connect with others. When you start to blog, you join a community.

It comes as no surprise that many bloggers are drawn to online communities as a place to work through challenges — to heal and process, find others with similar experiences, and seek (or offer) support. There are lots of supportive communities around WordPress.com: women dealing with breast cancer, people managing diabetes, parents of children with unique needs, and many, many more. Throughout January, we’ll be zooming in on how bloggers use WordPress.com to support their health and wellness.

Today, on the heels of the Blog for Mental Health 2014 kick-off, we’re focusing on mental health. Read on for a look at the many ways WordPress.com bloggers use their sites to improve their own lives, and the lives of others who have…

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I made it!!

Like I said yesterday, last night was my first night back at BJJ.  I hadn’t been there in almost a year, for reasons that I’ve stated before.  I actually feel pretty good today, I’m not as sore as I thought I’d be.  I was nervous at first, but once things got moving, I was fine.  I was a little nervous beforehand, it had been a while since I’d trained.  I just had to get the first class out of the way.  Doing something for the first time, or something that you haven’t done in a while, can be difficult.  I wasn’t totally sure that I was doing the right thing.  I kept asking myself “are you sure you can do this??  Maybe you’re still too heavy and out of shape”.  I finally told myself “you’re going to have to do this eventually, today is a good day”.  I’m still out of shape, but I have to start somewhere.  I did the best I could during the warm up drills, and with the drills that we learned that day.  Towards the end of class, we started rolling.  Unfortunately for me, I was paired with a purple belt.  He was very strong, much stronger than me.  I wasn’t able to do much of anything against him, and I didn’t expect to.  He’s far more advanced than me, and that’s ok.  I did my best, did what I knew how to do, and made the best of it.  He was a nice guy, and was helping me along, but wouldn’t let me get close to a submission.  It’s ok, I’ll have to remember what not to do, the next time I’m rolling.  I don’t mind rolling with guys that are better than me, though I’d like to roll with someone that close to my skill level.  I’m sure that time will come.  I’m ready to get back at it now, and I’m ok with taking more punishment.

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The week begins……

Another week starts, which means another weekend ends.  My time at home is always too short, and my time in the car is always too long.  Tonight is my first night back at BJJ, in almost a year.  A back injury and my work schedule both have kept me out of the game for too long.  I decided that this is something that I want to do, and I need to make more of an effort to train.  Time to go, I’m sure I’ll have more to say tomorrow.

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Another week in the bank.

Well, another week has come and gone.  Thankfully, I’ve managed to get a few things accomplished.  I started this blog up again, which is a move in the right direction.  I decided that I’d no longer let doubt run my life, as self esteem and doubt have always been an issue of mine.  I’ve been able to hide it well, but it’s always there.  I needed to make a new start, and I’ve felt better since deciding to make a change.  Life is too short to walk around mad all of the time.  It’s Friday, and I’m in a decent mood.  I might even play my guitar tonight.  I haven’t touched a guitar in a few weeks.  Prior to Christmas, I was playing frequently.  I go thought phases like that, but I’ll never make progress on the instrument if I don’t play everyday.  I was working on sweep picking and economy picking, it’ll take me a little while to get my playing back to where it was.  I’m going to start BJJ on Monday, hopefully the first night won’t kill me.  I’m still in poor physical condition, though I have lost around 30 pounds.  It’ll be rough at first, but it will get easier.

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It’s been a while.

I haven’t written in a long time, mainly because I forgot my user name and password.  I managed to get back into my account, so I’ll be posting again.  Around my last post, I suffered a back injury while moving a television.  I wasn’t able to get back into BJJ, as it took 2 months to heal, and I was called back to work not long after it healed.  I plan on starting BJJ again on Monday night.  I’ve made enough excuses, it’s time.  I’ve managed to lose 30 pounds, as I was up around 290.  That’s not healthy for someone of my height, as I’m about 5’6″.  I also left the band that I was in, it was a change that needed to be made.  I’ll no longer be talking about them on here, though I wish them the best.  I have no desire to play music right now, so I’m not sure how much I’ll even say about guitars and music.  I do plan on talking a lot about BJJ, MMA, and my fight with depression.  I’m hoping that by sharing the things that I’ve learned over the years, someone else might not have the same struggle that I’ve had.  I’m also hoping to have more people follow me on this journey, as it’s nice to have company.

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Coming back slowly

Due to the back injury I mentioned in my last post, I still haven’t been able to train.  Sometimes it hurts badly, other times it doesn’t really hurt at all.  I’m also having stomach issues again.  I had a nasty case of gastritis last year, and I might have it again.  My stomach doesn’t hurt like it did before, but it is still bothering me.  I may have to see my doctor again.  I know it sounds like I’m just falling apart, but I didn’t have any health issues until I turned 36.  After that, it’s been one thing after another.  I want to lose weight, but with a sore back I can’t exercise.  I may just have to work/suffer through it.

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I shouldn’t have moved that TV.

I was supposed to have BJJ training tonight.  However, while helping move our old bulky TV yesterday, I hurt my lower back.  It hurts to move, so training was out of the question.  I was looking forward to training, but I knew I needed to stay home.  Trying to train would have been a lousy idea.  I’ve had lower back issues for many years, I’m used to having a certain level of back pain.  This pain is the worst I’ve felt in a long time.  If I can’t train on Monday, I’d still like to go to class and watch.  I can study what’s being taught, and still pick some things up.  We’ll see how I feel after the weekend.

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